The Children of Children

The children of children by the time they’re half grown have habits like rabbits and young of their own The children of children from their mamas laps hop down to the ground to be taken in traps The children of children trapped by dark skins to stay in and play in a game no one wins The children of children while still young and sweet are all damned and programmed for future defeat The children of children are trapped by adults who fail them then jail them to hide the results The children of children unable to cope with systems that twist them and rob them of hope The children of children of sin and ashamed keep pairing and bearing and who do you blame The children of children cry out every day – they beg you for rescue and what do you say? Oscar Brown Jnr

An Opportunity's Lifetime

In 2007, my first year of Varsity I lived in the United States of Braamfontein (USB), I call it the United States because there is no other place in South Africa that has a diverse mix of people than Braam. Nigerians, Cameroonians, Vendanese, Zulus, Christians and Muslims all together in harmony. Braam was so harmonious in its diversity we even had a night club that served as a church on Sundays. Serious, ask around if you don't believe me.

Anyway, Braam's residents are predominantly young people that come from across Southern Africa to come to study, from Wits University to University of Johannesburg Campuses. From the so called Rosebank College (I still don't understand why they call it that when it's not even in Rosebank, but anyway) to Boston Business College, the only Gauteng institutions that were not available in Braamfontein were University Pretoria and Vaal University of Technology . Knowing the perpetual laziness and constant hungriness of students you probably know that take-aways would be the order of the day (excuse the pun). We chowed take-aways like nobody’s business and there were many outlets to cater to our stomachs and laziness, from Nandos to Steers to KFC, to those small Nigerian stores that sell that funny Nigerian food with the dumplings. Still, amidst the fattening variety there was a student favourite fast-food joint that was missing, "McDonalds". At times our Mcd's craving would get so wild that we had to catch taxi's to Auckland Park to satisfy the spicy chicken cajun fix.
My roommate and I felt this void and we devised a plan to try and get a Mcd's franchise into braam, considering the already growing market we had no doubt that we would make a killing off of it.
So we sought the franchise information out but were shocked when we found out that we needed approximately R3000 000 to buy the franchise, that put a big fat damper on our spirits. We didn't give up though, we purposed that an investor would probably be the best option to follow. After a while I got busy with school, and he got tied up at work...and we ended up forgetting about having a business relationship with Ronald McDonald.
Fast forward five years later as I was walking past what used to be the Indian jewellery store that I walked past every school day, stood a very big fat store packed to capacity, with a big yellow M on the front…somebody else had taken the initiative on something I had been procrastinating on. *sigh*

Procrastination is an evil thing don't you think? And it has affected us in so many different ways.

Thing is, when we procrastinate well enough we end up forgetting about our goals and are reminded about them when we see somebody else doing the exact same thing we once hoped to be doing...like building that unique business, or registering that degree or even going for that girl you didn't go for, she always looks more attractive in the arms of another punk doesn't she?
It’s even worse knowing that owner was not necessarily a better a businessman than you, or the other guy was not a better man than you...the only difference is they had the ability to take initiative faster than your sorry self.

The worste type of procrastination is when we delay until we forget, and ideas are the most spiteful things in the world. They don't just die unpursued, they go off and find somebody else that will pursue them relentlessly. Months later they pass by your home or job and flaunt "See what you missed brother?"

Many of us think that good ideas come to life because their good, because their noble but that is a butt load of bullocks. Ideas don't come to life because of how excellent they are but because of how excellently their pursued, that's why we have not-so good ideas coming to life. You can have the greatest idea but until it comes to life, it remains a theatrical performance in your mind.

You see ideas are like relationships, you must nurture them, love them and make sure they grow, if you don't...you'll find yourself like me, passing by a McDonalds that could've been yours.
I guess their right, The opportunity of a lifetime should be pursued in the lifetime of that opportunity.
-SGM

The State of Valentines Address:

Okay okay, so it's February the so called month of Love, which in reality is just another month like the Easters and Festive Season, that have been creatively designed by the capitalists to "induce" unsuspecting emotionally driven people into spending the little money they have left, on this crazy little feeling they like to call "Love.

The capitalists will always find ways to make you spend money, even when you have drawn in the sand, pinky promised and prayed yourself out of debt.
During festive season they get you to spend by telling you that it's Jesus' birthday, if Jesus' birthday is on the 25th why are you selling me a TV on the 3rd of December and 2.5kg's of flour on the 10th. If it's Jesus' birthday why am I buying somebody else a present and not Jesus', if it's Jesus' birthday why are you giving me a discount on a R1700 bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue. Is it because Jesus turned water into wine?

*Watch abazalwane turn red*

Anyway when January comes everybody has spent their money, the bank account is acting funny and you're still recovering from all the hangovers from December. But its the first month of the year you get by on bread alone, your mother has asked you for money to help you take the brother back to school, you are hanging on the generous overdraft that the "kind" bank have given you, at 18% interest.
Through the struggles of January many people take the desperate vow to be more cautious of their spending, they vow to the Gods of money that they will never again spend R1200 trying to impress the ladies by buying a bottle of Jameson at the club, neither will they ever purchase that needless bottle of Channel perfume that costs twice the average monthly consumption of an average black family (Ref: National Planning Commission Report).

Just after that decision you get an sms from the bank informing you of the transfer of your salary or allowance... you are over the moon, and attempt an attempt at your promise, yet the devil of marketing will not leave you in peace. He keeps on showering you with images of roses, dinners, and chocolates all under the banner of LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.
You talk to your girlfriend about this subject,
"I don't celebrate Valentines day" she says with that BBM not interested look on her face, "To me valentines day should be everyday." You reluctantly and suspiciously agree to this "strange" assertion, you actually add on to this statement by saying, " This day is just an excuse for people who actually don't love each other, to compensate for their lack of love by buying over-priced gifts and eating over priced steaks, consuming over-priced wine and making passionate sex,"
To which she reluctantly and suspiciously agrees.

At this stage the suspicion is on both sides.

I would like to warn all males that have found themselves in this suspicious, unfortunate and nature induced quandary called "Romantic Relations" to never ever fall into the trap of believing that your girlfriend is cool enough to not want a valentines gift. I don't care if your girlfriends cool is like NickiMinaj, Queen Latifah and Claire Mawisa's mixed in one, I don't care if she hates weaves, drinks Heineken and listens to the Roots, that woman wants a gift.

Your girlfriend might not breakdown in front of you when she finds out you really didn't buy the gift, on Tuesday, but these are the most likely repercussions of your ignorant cheap behaviour:
1) She will go home and cry her eyes out until the morning,
2) She will report you to the Bureau of Bad Boyfriends (BBB), an international organization that blacklists all bad men who have been horrendous boyfriends. Women who want marriage- material men will first check the BBB and then the Credit Bureau. Men who have been known to be on the BBB list are people such as Dingane Thobela, Jub Jub, Ike Turner, Mike Tyson, Chris Brown, Bobby Brown and Arthur Mafokate.

3) She will always keep you at arms length, no touching no feeling, no caresses no nothing. And after those long nights together you will get nothing more than a Holy-Christian-Sister hug followed by a "Thanks and God Bless You" after you have just confessed your love.

3) You will find a very long scratch on your car that starts from the boot to the front, with the letters "Jackass" tattooed on the bonnet.

When you add the cost of all the above, you will realize that buying a pack of roses and box of chocolates is a lot less than the suffering that you will endure if u don't.
So do the right thing player, just purchase the prezie, while some of us who are not in relationships sit in amusement as the Gods of Capitalism have a feast on your emotional blackmail.

MWAHAhahahahahahahah.

Parents the Provokers

I was reminded a couple of weeks ago about the importance of scripture by a certain speaker who had come to our church who, during the heart of his sermon, just as he was about to pull out a biblical stunt like all prophets do, he said something that really stuck with me, "All scripture is important...." Later on as we were sipping on some juice, he went as far as to say the book of Numbers was equally important to the book of Corinthians. WHAT? The book of numbers? The book of numbers? Surely he was joking! The beginning of the book of numbers is like a biblical class register, where God documents all his homies? I've tried to read the book of Numbers once, I read it until I realized that this was a census, the only thing missing was income, education and employment rates, then I paged to David and Bethsheba, you know some real soapy and scandalous stuff, Bold and the Beautiful style.

Anyway I took that statement to heart and have approached all scripture more analytically ever since.
You can imagine the revelation-overflow when I came across a piece of scripture in the book of Ephesians 6:4 that said:
"And, ye fathers (note: other versions say parents), provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

I was astounded by this piece of scripture, I had to whoop out my more analytical bible the Amplified Version and it quoted:
"Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord."

Honestly, the people who are entrusted to share on the pulpit the precious mysteries of God have neglected to quote this piece of scripture. Maybe because they are part of the gang being referred to.
Too many times have we heard the echo of,"Children honour your parents, so you may live longer." This piece of scripture was drummed down my throat since before I could read or write, to Sunday School, right till I celebrated my 21st, but never ever have I heard any pastor preaching about our parents provoking us. The preaching is extended fr chom to our traditional black families. In any black family whether it be Sotho, Zulu, Xhosa or Swati (I don't know about the Chinese and Indians), disrespecting an elder is the equivalent of 1st degree murder. I have heard elders referring to a disobedient as aft child as if he had leprosy, "Stay away from that child, he will contaminate you with his, disobeying-his-mama-ritis." One of my aunts even went as far as to threaten to revoke my family membership if I ever disobeyed my mother again, alas she did not ask what my mother had done for me to disobey her word.

You would swear that the only people who ever do wrong in the parent-child equation, are the children. The weak chains in the link are the offspring and the Allmighty- Parents are never prone to wrong-doing.
The graphic language that Paul uses in his statement is, 'provoke to wrath', I don't mean to take you on an english lesson but wrath is a pretty strong term, and behold it was used by an Apostle of the living God, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

How do our parents provoke us, well they provoke us when they:
Promise us one thing and then turn around and break their promise, after we had put all our trust in them
When they talk to us like we are little kids
When they undermine our hopes and dreams and substitute them for their own
When they refuse to listen to our side of the story
When they unreasonably favour one sibling over another, I mean if you didn't want the other one why didn't you just kill her instead of putting her through the pain of watching her suffer this horrid injustice.
When they are adamant they are right, when they are blatantly wrong.
The list goes on.

One thing that parents should learn is that the fact that they birthed us, and raised us with sweat blood and tears, does not absolve them from the laws of right and wrong, of the golden rule: Treating others as you would want to be treated.
We want to respect them and even though our respect for them may not necessarily end but it diminishes everytime they do us un-repentantly wrong.
But then again what do I know, I am a child right?

WOZA 2012

So I don't usually get depressing, I like being a bit on the lighter side of life, yes I do.
But let me get deep for once in life, yes I am not all that shallow you know, I do go to church, I do have a bible, and I do watch Oprah every day at half past 5. What? Oprah is not on air anymore? *egg-on-face*

Have you asked yourselves why taxi drivers are the worste drivers on the planet earth. You thought it was only Joburg that had them, but no, everywhere they like that. Whether they're Zulu, Pedi, Ndebele Shangaan, or even English, a taxi driver is a taxi driver. You can have the most decently raised catholic young man, from a quiet rural area who ate all his vegetables and stayed away from girls, that will turn into a monster the moment the taxi owner says, "You're hired!"

Anyway on a more serious note, have you ever wondered why your mother prefers your sibling more than you? Have you ever wondered why your father hasn't been a substantial financial contributor to your life? You've tried many many times to try and twist his arm but everytime you wound up with a broken heart after he breaks the millionth promise he has made?
Have you ever wondered why you just have an arrogant, conceited, vengeful boss or senior colleague. Like everytime you try to be nice or courteous to them they always end up being nasty, still gossip about you, still treat you like an incompetent snobbish freak, that is a disappointing beneficiary of Affirmative Action?

I'm sure we've all had a brief series of moments where we look into our lives and wish that some part of our lives were different, that we went to an Ivy-League university where the people spoke a more fluent english, or we were born into a loftier family, with more attractive physical attributes like that irritating babe magnet from Selimathunzi, who is that guy? Is he even real? He looks like a mannequin!

Fact is life is bloody damn unfair, it is. I mean yes yes I know we can't have it all? But Why do I have to get the irresponsible father? Why didn't I get something else? Like bad spelling, or horrible grammar. I mean I would rather have horrible english than an irresponsible father, at least with horrible english I can become a spokesperson for a political organization, or a soccer player, or even that 5-skipas guy.

Anyway, it turns out that everybody in life does have that dark part, that part that they would rather not have, and we do have a tendency of seeing the benefits that our neighbours have and 'kgaleling'(lusting over) what they have. Often sneaking away into day dreams of how successful or happier or peaceful our lives would be if we had what they had.

I really don't know why some of this happens. I would be lying if I gave you one of those simplistic answers that all christians on facebook give. I hate simplistic cliches that try to paint every situation with the same brush, because not all problems are the same, it's even harder to accept the wisdom in cliches when the one facing the hardship is me.

There is something I have found in my own life though, that kind of helps me make sense of all the hardships thay I have faced in my life.

The truth is no matter how hard we try, no matter how hard we pray there are some people and circumstances that we cannot change. I'm talking about that type of holy ghost prayer where you start praying in tongues, quoting 50 scriptures all under the sacrifice of a 40-day fasting, and it still not change. Some things will remain the way they are and some people will just remain the way they are. In such situations after exhausting all probable remedies to the situation, you have to come to a place of acceptance, that things really are the way they are and there's nothing you can do about it.
I don't know what other people say but there are things that are impossible even for you who listens to all the TD Jakes tapes and John C Maxwell books. If you can't change certain things accept them, if you can't accept them leave them.

Khanye West says in a song, "God never gives you something you can't handle..."
I don't know what God he was talking about, because 2 lines later he launched into a rhyme filled with multiple and exotic swear words that would sure make the presence of any God run away. But if a rapper says something so strange then you should know it comes from a certain type of profound and deep realization. Amidst all the seemigly overwhelming challenges we face, there is a certain lesson to be learnt, or even a process to be undergone.
Many of the seemingly unfair 'occurences' in our lives are lessons, or character-developing courses that are necessary for the 'next' level of personal leadership, business and relationship. The ability to handle conflict now,(i.e. in our current lives) is a sort of prelude to the much more 'brighter' future before us. Crying and failing to deal with the challenges now is only a sign that you might not do well when tougher challenges occur.
So when tough challenges and people occur, and there is nothing in the 'Self-Help' handbook that will work, then try accepting the situation but above all else, exhaust it, by sucking all the lessons, principle and character development that you need for the next level, cause I don't know about you but I can't let an experience go without at least learning all I can from it.

We've got to remember that all the teachers in life are not dressed in suites, waltzing into lecture rooms and delivering well-researched theories and concepts. Some of lifes best teachers are circumstances and tests, that we face on a day-to-day basis.
Many of us reject their advice and end up in the same grade-of-life like those 27-year old looking boys in Matric. The university of life is the first school, with the strictest teachers and most heart-wrenching exams. I hate those surpise tests it gives... You know those tests that you had never studied for, never been taught on, never attended the lecture...sad aint it.

Basically what I meant to say is: As we go into 2012 please note:
1) Sometimes there are certain things you can't change even if you wanted to, so either accept them or move on, and
2) Even in those mistakes that you make, suck all the lessons that you can out of them and use those lessons for the next phase of life.

#Woza-2012

Wara Wara Women

So this Sunday I came back from a pretty long spiritual day to find a copy of FAIRLADY on our sofa, I looked around the house and everybody was asleep, the only sound was that of those loud cowardly crickets. So I surveyed the house just to make sure everybody was asleep, I locked all the doors and switched off all the lights, buried myself in the deepest darkest corner of the house with a torch in my hand to ensure that nobody would walk in on me with this incriminating piece of evidence.
Why did I go through a women's magazine? Well there are quite a few things that guys are privy to, that allow us to peak into the complex minds of women. I mean if we are not allowed to know a woman's age, or go into a woman's handbag or be a fly on the wall during their slumber parties, the least we can do is spy on their most treasured pieces of literature.

Of course I didn't go through all the literature, but I went through as many pages and browsed through a couple of articles, just to get the gist of what a woman's magazine contains and I have come, Gentlemen, with a comprehensive report back.

Through my extensive research of the women's magazine I have come to the conclusion that women talk about everything...EVERYTHING!!!!
Sex, Success, Fashion, Feminism, Health, Relationships, Business, and sometimes even politics. Noh maan, these women are too much maan.

All of us know that women are not the most rational of all the species but we can all agree they are the more well rounded beings.
I mean they are the more likely to live longer, more likely to stick around for their kids, raising them with the little that they have...and the more likely to go to church. Yeah you heard me, I mean nigga's runaway from church like they run from a woman who wants to get married soon.
If you ever want to see a live disappearing act, don't go to those overpriced circus thingies, mention church or marriage to your boyfriend.


Women are more well rounded than men! Well,
I mean sure we men invent light bulbs, fight injustices, write stunning poetry, and become great leaders in business and politics...but we also start wars that kill innocent people, say bad things about Botswana (LMAO), create weapons of mass destruction and pick fights with the bouncers...I mean we can get really smart, but really dumb too.

We boast really great men like Mahatma Gandhi, Michael Jordan, Thabo Mbeki, Nkwane Nkrumah and Steve Jobs but we also have some epic fails, factory faults of sorts namely, Robert Mugabe, Benny McCarthy, Muammar Gadhaffi, (may his soul rest in peace, but he was a clown), OJ Simpson and that nigga down the road who insists on spending his whole mothers salary on a carvella, red-skinny-jeans, a floral shirt and a DMD cap.

I just took a tangent, let me come back. The overall well being of women counts in their favour, I mean what do women do when their friend comes through with a big fat pimple on the side of their nose?
Well other than a bit of gossip, most of her friends will try and suggest ways in which she can get rid of the pimple by recommending treatment or one of the other chemicals they have stocked up in the scientific laboratory they call the bathroom.
What will niggas do? An hour of comedy over another brother's pimple.

What happens when a lady comes back crying that her boyfriend of 4 years has cheated on her with his secretary? A night or two of ice-cream, chocolate and comforting.
What happens when a nigga is distraught over a girlfriend cheating? A conversation quite like this, "Nigga We told you to get rid of that chick before you started getting attached, we told you!!!"

What happens when a lady looks crappy at a classy do? Friends give fashion advice.
What do nigga's do? They pretend as if their friend is not wearing black shoes with red socks, and light blue pants, they let it go and assume 'fashion is for the ladies anyway.'

I am not about to suggest that we start writing all these different magazines, but I will say that we need to start being comfortable enough to discuss petty matters. Of course we men have natural tendencies to discuss matters of national importance like the economy, politics, the springboks and which body type is the most suitable to enlarge the population with, but we should also throw in some petty things like:
*What type of personality types you are attracted to,
*How to colour code a suite, tie and shirt (seriously I'm tired of seeing brothers wearing striped suite, striped tie and striped shirt),
*What not to say on a first date (you would be surprised how many men have just screwed up the first date, talking about the 'A' they got in matric and made us all look bad in the process).

Let's have these discussions as men, as a matter of fact let's include these convo's over a braai this Dezemba.

-SGM

Protection Of Leggings Bill

I'm sure most men have been in this situation. You're walking through the mall minding your own business, not looking for trouble, not even tryna look at hot women, when just after you walk out of Stuttafords to check if that shoe you like is still there, there it is. A women wearing leggings, at first you can't really see properly if it’s the only thing she is wearing, you thought it was a really tight jean, or maybe you had swapped eyes with Hugh Hefner. So to confirm that your eyes are really seeing what they think they're seeing you wait for her to pass, but you don't turn like those kasi guys who open their eyes wide and lick their lips as a woman passes by. No you are decent, you wait for her to take a couple of steps past you, just as many to avoid looking like a taxi driver but just enough for you to confirm your suspicions.
"OH MY GOSH!!!! YOH IYOH"
Someone give me the number for the fashion police.

At first ladies wearing leggings as pants was a complete rarity, ladies everywhere knew the rules, it was either a longish top or a shawl wrapped around the waist to cover the bottom. It seemed at least that this unwritten rule was obeyed. It wasn't until I first saw that one chick at Cresta Mall and that big eyed chick from Wits-West Campus that the bubble burst. In fact all I've seen that chick wear are leggings, everyday, she started it, that big eyed woman... you know her Juanita's friend. I hope she has a couple of extra pairs, because if you going to wear leggings like that, and that often then you need to change them, you can't have just one.

I swear these two people started it all, they tore the veil. The next week I fancied a few glasses of Jesus' blood and a couple house tunes at the Bank in Rosebank and every second woman was wearing them as pants. It was like the end of the world, turmoil everywhere. Order and discipline were destroyed, lawlessness prevailed, the criminals were having their way.

Let me get serious: Day in-Day out we have hear feminist after feminist preaching the gospel of equality amongst the genders, about oppressive patriarchal settings in the workplace, about jokes that perpetuate the objectifying of women etc. I fully agree with some of them even though their advocacies deprive me of my patriarchal benefits.
But women have a big role to play in society, and so far they've played their roles superbly. However the responsibility of treatment lies equally on men as it does on women i.e. If women want men to stop objectifying them, then they need to stop acting like objects.

Okay sorry that was crude. What I meant to say was: Even though the boundaries of fashion are pushed they have the unintended tendency of making it tougher for men to put away their object spectacles, remember progressive men are MEN too you know.
The un-objective feminist may argue, "It's not our fault that men have difficulty managing the guns in their pockets!"
To which I shudder and shake my head, as the feminist cause gets tossed into the closet, to be called upon during our precious Women's Month and again during 16days of Activism. *sigh*