Okay okay, so it's February the so called month of Love, which in reality is just another month like the Easters and Festive Season, that have been creatively designed by the capitalists to "induce" unsuspecting emotionally driven people into spending the little money they have left, on this crazy little feeling they like to call "Love.
The capitalists will always find ways to make you spend money, even when you have drawn in the sand, pinky promised and prayed yourself out of debt.
During festive season they get you to spend by telling you that it's Jesus' birthday, if Jesus' birthday is on the 25th why are you selling me a TV on the 3rd of December and 2.5kg's of flour on the 10th. If it's Jesus' birthday why am I buying somebody else a present and not Jesus', if it's Jesus' birthday why are you giving me a discount on a R1700 bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue. Is it because Jesus turned water into wine?
*Watch abazalwane turn red*
Anyway when January comes everybody has spent their money, the bank account is acting funny and you're still recovering from all the hangovers from December. But its the first month of the year you get by on bread alone, your mother has asked you for money to help you take the brother back to school, you are hanging on the generous overdraft that the "kind" bank have given you, at 18% interest.
Through the struggles of January many people take the desperate vow to be more cautious of their spending, they vow to the Gods of money that they will never again spend R1200 trying to impress the ladies by buying a bottle of Jameson at the club, neither will they ever purchase that needless bottle of Channel perfume that costs twice the average monthly consumption of an average black family (Ref: National Planning Commission Report).
Just after that decision you get an sms from the bank informing you of the transfer of your salary or allowance... you are over the moon, and attempt an attempt at your promise, yet the devil of marketing will not leave you in peace. He keeps on showering you with images of roses, dinners, and chocolates all under the banner of LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.
You talk to your girlfriend about this subject,
"I don't celebrate Valentines day" she says with that BBM not interested look on her face, "To me valentines day should be everyday." You reluctantly and suspiciously agree to this "strange" assertion, you actually add on to this statement by saying, " This day is just an excuse for people who actually don't love each other, to compensate for their lack of love by buying over-priced gifts and eating over priced steaks, consuming over-priced wine and making passionate sex,"
To which she reluctantly and suspiciously agrees.
At this stage the suspicion is on both sides.
I would like to warn all males that have found themselves in this suspicious, unfortunate and nature induced quandary called "Romantic Relations" to never ever fall into the trap of believing that your girlfriend is cool enough to not want a valentines gift. I don't care if your girlfriends cool is like NickiMinaj, Queen Latifah and Claire Mawisa's mixed in one, I don't care if she hates weaves, drinks Heineken and listens to the Roots, that woman wants a gift.
Your girlfriend might not breakdown in front of you when she finds out you really didn't buy the gift, on Tuesday, but these are the most likely repercussions of your ignorant cheap behaviour:
1) She will go home and cry her eyes out until the morning,
2) She will report you to the Bureau of Bad Boyfriends (BBB), an international organization that blacklists all bad men who have been horrendous boyfriends. Women who want marriage- material men will first check the BBB and then the Credit Bureau. Men who have been known to be on the BBB list are people such as Dingane Thobela, Jub Jub, Ike Turner, Mike Tyson, Chris Brown, Bobby Brown and Arthur Mafokate.
3) She will always keep you at arms length, no touching no feeling, no caresses no nothing. And after those long nights together you will get nothing more than a Holy-Christian-Sister hug followed by a "Thanks and God Bless You" after you have just confessed your love.
3) You will find a very long scratch on your car that starts from the boot to the front, with the letters "Jackass" tattooed on the bonnet.
When you add the cost of all the above, you will realize that buying a pack of roses and box of chocolates is a lot less than the suffering that you will endure if u don't.
So do the right thing player, just purchase the prezie, while some of us who are not in relationships sit in amusement as the Gods of Capitalism have a feast on your emotional blackmail.
MWAHAhahahahahahahah.
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