WOZA 2012

So I don't usually get depressing, I like being a bit on the lighter side of life, yes I do.
But let me get deep for once in life, yes I am not all that shallow you know, I do go to church, I do have a bible, and I do watch Oprah every day at half past 5. What? Oprah is not on air anymore? *egg-on-face*

Have you asked yourselves why taxi drivers are the worste drivers on the planet earth. You thought it was only Joburg that had them, but no, everywhere they like that. Whether they're Zulu, Pedi, Ndebele Shangaan, or even English, a taxi driver is a taxi driver. You can have the most decently raised catholic young man, from a quiet rural area who ate all his vegetables and stayed away from girls, that will turn into a monster the moment the taxi owner says, "You're hired!"

Anyway on a more serious note, have you ever wondered why your mother prefers your sibling more than you? Have you ever wondered why your father hasn't been a substantial financial contributor to your life? You've tried many many times to try and twist his arm but everytime you wound up with a broken heart after he breaks the millionth promise he has made?
Have you ever wondered why you just have an arrogant, conceited, vengeful boss or senior colleague. Like everytime you try to be nice or courteous to them they always end up being nasty, still gossip about you, still treat you like an incompetent snobbish freak, that is a disappointing beneficiary of Affirmative Action?

I'm sure we've all had a brief series of moments where we look into our lives and wish that some part of our lives were different, that we went to an Ivy-League university where the people spoke a more fluent english, or we were born into a loftier family, with more attractive physical attributes like that irritating babe magnet from Selimathunzi, who is that guy? Is he even real? He looks like a mannequin!

Fact is life is bloody damn unfair, it is. I mean yes yes I know we can't have it all? But Why do I have to get the irresponsible father? Why didn't I get something else? Like bad spelling, or horrible grammar. I mean I would rather have horrible english than an irresponsible father, at least with horrible english I can become a spokesperson for a political organization, or a soccer player, or even that 5-skipas guy.

Anyway, it turns out that everybody in life does have that dark part, that part that they would rather not have, and we do have a tendency of seeing the benefits that our neighbours have and 'kgaleling'(lusting over) what they have. Often sneaking away into day dreams of how successful or happier or peaceful our lives would be if we had what they had.

I really don't know why some of this happens. I would be lying if I gave you one of those simplistic answers that all christians on facebook give. I hate simplistic cliches that try to paint every situation with the same brush, because not all problems are the same, it's even harder to accept the wisdom in cliches when the one facing the hardship is me.

There is something I have found in my own life though, that kind of helps me make sense of all the hardships thay I have faced in my life.

The truth is no matter how hard we try, no matter how hard we pray there are some people and circumstances that we cannot change. I'm talking about that type of holy ghost prayer where you start praying in tongues, quoting 50 scriptures all under the sacrifice of a 40-day fasting, and it still not change. Some things will remain the way they are and some people will just remain the way they are. In such situations after exhausting all probable remedies to the situation, you have to come to a place of acceptance, that things really are the way they are and there's nothing you can do about it.
I don't know what other people say but there are things that are impossible even for you who listens to all the TD Jakes tapes and John C Maxwell books. If you can't change certain things accept them, if you can't accept them leave them.

Khanye West says in a song, "God never gives you something you can't handle..."
I don't know what God he was talking about, because 2 lines later he launched into a rhyme filled with multiple and exotic swear words that would sure make the presence of any God run away. But if a rapper says something so strange then you should know it comes from a certain type of profound and deep realization. Amidst all the seemigly overwhelming challenges we face, there is a certain lesson to be learnt, or even a process to be undergone.
Many of the seemingly unfair 'occurences' in our lives are lessons, or character-developing courses that are necessary for the 'next' level of personal leadership, business and relationship. The ability to handle conflict now,(i.e. in our current lives) is a sort of prelude to the much more 'brighter' future before us. Crying and failing to deal with the challenges now is only a sign that you might not do well when tougher challenges occur.
So when tough challenges and people occur, and there is nothing in the 'Self-Help' handbook that will work, then try accepting the situation but above all else, exhaust it, by sucking all the lessons, principle and character development that you need for the next level, cause I don't know about you but I can't let an experience go without at least learning all I can from it.

We've got to remember that all the teachers in life are not dressed in suites, waltzing into lecture rooms and delivering well-researched theories and concepts. Some of lifes best teachers are circumstances and tests, that we face on a day-to-day basis.
Many of us reject their advice and end up in the same grade-of-life like those 27-year old looking boys in Matric. The university of life is the first school, with the strictest teachers and most heart-wrenching exams. I hate those surpise tests it gives... You know those tests that you had never studied for, never been taught on, never attended the lecture...sad aint it.

Basically what I meant to say is: As we go into 2012 please note:
1) Sometimes there are certain things you can't change even if you wanted to, so either accept them or move on, and
2) Even in those mistakes that you make, suck all the lessons that you can out of them and use those lessons for the next phase of life.

#Woza-2012

Wara Wara Women

So this Sunday I came back from a pretty long spiritual day to find a copy of FAIRLADY on our sofa, I looked around the house and everybody was asleep, the only sound was that of those loud cowardly crickets. So I surveyed the house just to make sure everybody was asleep, I locked all the doors and switched off all the lights, buried myself in the deepest darkest corner of the house with a torch in my hand to ensure that nobody would walk in on me with this incriminating piece of evidence.
Why did I go through a women's magazine? Well there are quite a few things that guys are privy to, that allow us to peak into the complex minds of women. I mean if we are not allowed to know a woman's age, or go into a woman's handbag or be a fly on the wall during their slumber parties, the least we can do is spy on their most treasured pieces of literature.

Of course I didn't go through all the literature, but I went through as many pages and browsed through a couple of articles, just to get the gist of what a woman's magazine contains and I have come, Gentlemen, with a comprehensive report back.

Through my extensive research of the women's magazine I have come to the conclusion that women talk about everything...EVERYTHING!!!!
Sex, Success, Fashion, Feminism, Health, Relationships, Business, and sometimes even politics. Noh maan, these women are too much maan.

All of us know that women are not the most rational of all the species but we can all agree they are the more well rounded beings.
I mean they are the more likely to live longer, more likely to stick around for their kids, raising them with the little that they have...and the more likely to go to church. Yeah you heard me, I mean nigga's runaway from church like they run from a woman who wants to get married soon.
If you ever want to see a live disappearing act, don't go to those overpriced circus thingies, mention church or marriage to your boyfriend.


Women are more well rounded than men! Well,
I mean sure we men invent light bulbs, fight injustices, write stunning poetry, and become great leaders in business and politics...but we also start wars that kill innocent people, say bad things about Botswana (LMAO), create weapons of mass destruction and pick fights with the bouncers...I mean we can get really smart, but really dumb too.

We boast really great men like Mahatma Gandhi, Michael Jordan, Thabo Mbeki, Nkwane Nkrumah and Steve Jobs but we also have some epic fails, factory faults of sorts namely, Robert Mugabe, Benny McCarthy, Muammar Gadhaffi, (may his soul rest in peace, but he was a clown), OJ Simpson and that nigga down the road who insists on spending his whole mothers salary on a carvella, red-skinny-jeans, a floral shirt and a DMD cap.

I just took a tangent, let me come back. The overall well being of women counts in their favour, I mean what do women do when their friend comes through with a big fat pimple on the side of their nose?
Well other than a bit of gossip, most of her friends will try and suggest ways in which she can get rid of the pimple by recommending treatment or one of the other chemicals they have stocked up in the scientific laboratory they call the bathroom.
What will niggas do? An hour of comedy over another brother's pimple.

What happens when a lady comes back crying that her boyfriend of 4 years has cheated on her with his secretary? A night or two of ice-cream, chocolate and comforting.
What happens when a nigga is distraught over a girlfriend cheating? A conversation quite like this, "Nigga We told you to get rid of that chick before you started getting attached, we told you!!!"

What happens when a lady looks crappy at a classy do? Friends give fashion advice.
What do nigga's do? They pretend as if their friend is not wearing black shoes with red socks, and light blue pants, they let it go and assume 'fashion is for the ladies anyway.'

I am not about to suggest that we start writing all these different magazines, but I will say that we need to start being comfortable enough to discuss petty matters. Of course we men have natural tendencies to discuss matters of national importance like the economy, politics, the springboks and which body type is the most suitable to enlarge the population with, but we should also throw in some petty things like:
*What type of personality types you are attracted to,
*How to colour code a suite, tie and shirt (seriously I'm tired of seeing brothers wearing striped suite, striped tie and striped shirt),
*What not to say on a first date (you would be surprised how many men have just screwed up the first date, talking about the 'A' they got in matric and made us all look bad in the process).

Let's have these discussions as men, as a matter of fact let's include these convo's over a braai this Dezemba.

-SGM

Protection Of Leggings Bill

I'm sure most men have been in this situation. You're walking through the mall minding your own business, not looking for trouble, not even tryna look at hot women, when just after you walk out of Stuttafords to check if that shoe you like is still there, there it is. A women wearing leggings, at first you can't really see properly if it’s the only thing she is wearing, you thought it was a really tight jean, or maybe you had swapped eyes with Hugh Hefner. So to confirm that your eyes are really seeing what they think they're seeing you wait for her to pass, but you don't turn like those kasi guys who open their eyes wide and lick their lips as a woman passes by. No you are decent, you wait for her to take a couple of steps past you, just as many to avoid looking like a taxi driver but just enough for you to confirm your suspicions.
"OH MY GOSH!!!! YOH IYOH"
Someone give me the number for the fashion police.

At first ladies wearing leggings as pants was a complete rarity, ladies everywhere knew the rules, it was either a longish top or a shawl wrapped around the waist to cover the bottom. It seemed at least that this unwritten rule was obeyed. It wasn't until I first saw that one chick at Cresta Mall and that big eyed chick from Wits-West Campus that the bubble burst. In fact all I've seen that chick wear are leggings, everyday, she started it, that big eyed woman... you know her Juanita's friend. I hope she has a couple of extra pairs, because if you going to wear leggings like that, and that often then you need to change them, you can't have just one.

I swear these two people started it all, they tore the veil. The next week I fancied a few glasses of Jesus' blood and a couple house tunes at the Bank in Rosebank and every second woman was wearing them as pants. It was like the end of the world, turmoil everywhere. Order and discipline were destroyed, lawlessness prevailed, the criminals were having their way.

Let me get serious: Day in-Day out we have hear feminist after feminist preaching the gospel of equality amongst the genders, about oppressive patriarchal settings in the workplace, about jokes that perpetuate the objectifying of women etc. I fully agree with some of them even though their advocacies deprive me of my patriarchal benefits.
But women have a big role to play in society, and so far they've played their roles superbly. However the responsibility of treatment lies equally on men as it does on women i.e. If women want men to stop objectifying them, then they need to stop acting like objects.

Okay sorry that was crude. What I meant to say was: Even though the boundaries of fashion are pushed they have the unintended tendency of making it tougher for men to put away their object spectacles, remember progressive men are MEN too you know.
The un-objective feminist may argue, "It's not our fault that men have difficulty managing the guns in their pockets!"
To which I shudder and shake my head, as the feminist cause gets tossed into the closet, to be called upon during our precious Women's Month and again during 16days of Activism. *sigh*

Exam Bombshell

Hey it's exam time but I am not going to bug everyone with the usual motivational rhetoric that all speakers like to spew during such times. I think all of us know what to do by now, if you don't, then I don't know what to say to you.
I would, however, like to warn everyone of the exam bombshell, yes the exam bombshell. Basically the exam bombshell is when you get dumped cheated on, or find out that your girlfriend/boyfriend was cheating on you during exam time.
Why am I warning you about this? Well it's pretty obvious, the person asking this question is probably a very innocent first year that hasn't dated much in life, or is a very lucky and arrogant prick who has never had their heart broken (Lemini iyeza nakuwe-This afternoon will one day come to you).
In my four-grueling years in that over-priced capitalistic racist institution of the Witwatersrand there has never been a more heart-wrenching, suicide-inducing, soul-stealing time such as exam time. I kid you not, even the most evil-bloodsipping satanist transforms into bible-bashing Jehovah's witnesses in this time, speaking in tongues and confessing that Jesus Christ is Lord and praying for a miracle to get them to at least a 50% at the end of the year.
To top this all off in each of these four years, I have heard or encountered people who had their hearts broken right in the heart of exam time. This of course is hard to handle, and some of these people ended up failing all or some of the courses they had registered for.

For anyone who is from a middle-class family like myself, failing is a sin, I mean we spend almost R60 000 alone on university life, so we can't afford to waist all of this on a person who wasn't worth it in the first place.

So here are some tips on how to avoid getting your heart broken during this season:

1) Sit your loving partner down and in a soft and loving tone, warn him that if he/she even thinks of breaking your heart you will hunt some acid down from wherever you can find it and you will gently pour it all over him/her, when they least expect it and light him on fire while s/he is screaming in 'extreme' agony on the floor.

2) When you receive a call from your girlfriend/boyfriend saying, "We need to talk..." In a firm or heavy tone just say, "okay" but switch off your phone and avoid them for the next 3 weeks, don't even go onto Facebook, not even BBM. I'm warning you, don't let curiosity get the better of you, resist it and concentrate on the buff textbooks staring you right in the face.

If these 2 things don't work, you're in big trouble, seriously. there is no plan 3. So if you do become of a victim of an "Exam Bombshell" I want you to go on your knees, and pray.
What I can say is there is nothing worse than allowing a person who doesn't deserve you the leverage of being the catalyst to your demise. Stand strong, study hard and give it your all.

On a more serious note, God didn't bring you this far to leave you, just Pray like you haven't studied, and study like you haven't prayed.
Remember that the number one reason your parents sent you to varsity is to get an education, so make them proud, it's the least you can do.

Twitter/ @SimonMtsukiSays

How Real is Reality TV?

With the recent Mzansi boom in South African reality TV shows I found myself deeply pondering about the validity of all this reality.

I mean seriously? Let me ask you a simple logical question. If you were a well known self-respecting individual who happened to have his face on newspapers and television screens, how authentic would you be if camera's followed you around? Would you show us sides of yourself that you wouldn't normally show? If you cheated on your wife with the helper would you allow the camera's to at least see the previews of the passion?
When you argue with your father would you actually show the parts where you tell him, how unreasonable he is?

Remember the camera is right there in your face, the constant reminder that your proud mother who tells all her friends at work about you is watching. How can we forget your pastor who always uses you as an example during his sermons, who sees you as a role model to other young and upcoming teens. What about potential business clients and partners, how much of your self-exposure will hamper their dealings with you?

None of us can doubt that the mere knowledge that there is a camera pointed in our direction changes our 'action'. It can be a mere digital camera at a braai, it won't be long until you try to turn around and show us your good side or try to pop a hand sign from an old Tupac rap video. Whatever the case or scenario, camera's do alter the way we handle ourselves and the manner in which we handle ourselves in front of them cannot be said to be reality.

My understanding of the business of reality TV is somewhat jaded. I am smart enough to understand, though, that nobody would allow the discomfort of having middle-aged men with big stomachs, hanging camera's over their shoulder to follow them around, without a little compensation. We all know that these people get millions or hundred thousands of rands for letting camera's follow them around. Which for me brings a-whole-nother aspect of 'unreality' to the reality.
If you are getting paid, for reality, you are actually getting paid for the entertainment people will derive from watching your life on screen...if the economic benefit you derive is that important you are more likely to get as controversial and suspense-filled as possible, which decreases the likelihood of us seeing the 'real' you on television.
So it's not really reality...it's just a form of what the famous reality television producer Jerry Bruckheimer calls, "Unscripted Drama".

The more I think about it, the more I realize that television can get a bit ridiculous. I mean what's so interesting about Kenny Kunene's life? And those twins? Who are they? Now it's Nelson Mandelas grandchildren, yes we like their grandad he's like the father of the nation but where do they come from? What quality contribution have they made in our country that allow them to gain 30 minutes of every monday of our lives?
Who's next Khanyi Mbau? Nonhle Thema?

I'm all for quality television, I watch the news, sports, comedy cause laughter realy is the best medicine...and the odd movie.
But to be honest I think there is a global conspiracy to feed us a whole of manyol, to fill our heads with fantasies, and get us disturbed from the real issues in life. Issues like, why the heck they aren't giving the Dalai Lama a visa? Or why they're not giving Palestine UN statehood?
What genre of music does the. Dalai Lama sing, And where in KZN is Palestine?
I smile, grin and laugh...but I really wanna cry, because even though our younger brothers and sisters might take some time to solve the square root of 144 is, or tell us who Helen Suzman is, they can easily point out with a burst of excitement at a picture of Kim Kardashian. *sigh* DOUBLE SIGH*

RIP Steve Jobs-The Crazy One

Friday is Tie-day

Remember that game that was started by the 'Bully Brigade' in primary school, where they would run to unsuspecting little kids, grab and mercilessly yank their ties, screaming 'FRIDAY's TIE-DAY'. You don't? Okay moving right along.
Let's be honest people, like really honest: Friday is not a full work day, it just isn't. I know the nerdy, hardworker in you would have you believe otherwise but she's lying.

Whether you're a student, an employee or businessman Friday is just not a full work day. Even my retired grandma does nothing on a Friday, I heard her tell her pastor (who suggested a prayer session) on the phone yesterday, "Friday Mfundisi? hayi ses'thandaza kakhulu manje, hayi mina angeke ngikhone" (No Reverend, No i think we are praying too much nowadays, I don't think I'm going to be able to make it).

I remember times where I would go to work with the intention of completing a deadline, the first 4 hours were pretty productive, until I went out for lunch. The scent of the air would just paralyze my workaholic nerves, I would find myself extending my lunch time. And then when I came back late the boss would try to give but 'the eye', but he knows it's Friday, he can feel it too.

In varsity I don't remember ever going to a class on Friday. I would wake up a bit late, put the books in my bag, I remember going through the gate, but somewhere between the boomgate and the lecture was a distraction laid by the devil to lure me in. Either it was my friends chilling by our usual chilling place watching girls pass by and enjoying good conversation, or it was an intense strategic plan for the weekend ahead.

At work it's that fellow employee who sits right next to you who always has the best topics to discuss. The problem with these guys is they never leave you alone, even when you try to signal that you're trying to work, they just keep on talking.
They start with a question, "So did you watch the game last night?"
"No!" , you give them a short and dry answer hoping they'll get the picture: You trying to work!! But no, they carry on…
"Duuuuuude you missed out, you should've seen those Namibians, they were usuless"
And do you know how many tries we scored?"
And that is the start of the conversation that will end up making Friday a half-productive day.

For anybody who has a lecture today and would like to actually to go to it? "I say resist the devil and he will flee from you"

If you have a deadline to complete or a presentation to make, I say "You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you"
And if you have a nagging fellow employee who will not let you work in peace, I say, "My condolences."

Whoever you are, at least try to get some work done, a good and reasonable amount. As for me I'm gonna finish this proposal to the heavenly delegation, I want them to extend the weekend and make Wednesday a bit longer. I believe this will assist in cutting costs, increase productivity and boost worker morale.
It will also increase the chances of people going to church on Sunday because they will have more drinking days and thus more of an opportunity to nurse the hangover. This will in turn increase the chances of people getting born-again, and increase heaven’s membership before the end of the world on 21st of October, or May...or whenever the world ends. Call it a return on investment. Wish me luck.

And remember: Friday's Tie-day.

PURSUE YOUR PASSION (by Kirk Nugent)

(I just had to share this poem by Kirk Nugent, enjoy)


This is your life,
Your purpose on this Earth is not to please me.
Nor is it to fulfill your parents unrealized dreams.
You were not placed here to make concessions so that they could be proud,
So they could brag about their seed,
Fulfill some unfulfilled childhood emotional need
Let them be proud of their very own deeds
This is your life!

I came to shine light into the dark
And like a dog against a hydrant, I am leaving my mark!
We were not sent here to invest in someone else’s idea of what we should be
The complacent life does not stimulate me.
So forgive me if I feel no compassion
For those poor souls who live to follow the fashion.
Because if you want to live a life that’s neither limited nor ration,
Then by God you must pursue your passion.
They will tell you that it can’t be done
As though you were delivered unto this world for your song to go unsung.
Let the world scream that unattainable theme
But for you, there is no such thing as an impossible dream.

Ain’t no mystery, check the history
Examine the life of Oprah Winfrey,
Muhammad Ali, Mahatma Gandhi.
Remember what they told Walt Disney?
They said, “Young man you must be blind
You must have lost your rodent loving mind!
No one would ever pay to be entertained by a mouse
Or anything of that kind.”
Now Disney is worth more than everyone in this room…combined!
Pursue your passion!

Steven Spielberg was kicked out of the University of Southern California
Film School because his grades weren’t good enough.
Pursue your passion!

Russell Simmons refused to sign Madonna
Because he thought she had no talent.
Pursue your passion!

Brandy’s teacher told her she was too ugly to be an actress.
Pursue your passion!

Bill Cosby used to shine shoes in front of Temple University.
Pursue your passion!


Michael Jordan was benched on his basketball team in High school
Pursue your passion!

Larry Bird was benched his entire freshman year of college.
Pursue your passion!

Here is proof that greatness is born out of zero doubt
In 1962 Decca Records dismissed four young musicians
Told them that groups with guitars were on their way out.
They left without a contract
But refused to walk on pins and needles
Months later they released their first album
And called themselves, “The Beatles”
Pursue your passion!

Colonel Sanders was 65 when he fried his first piece of chicken,
Made millions after he convinced us that it was finger lickin’.
Pursue your passion!

Lauren Hill was booed at the Apollo
Pursue your passion!

Luther Vandross was booed off the Apollo
Not once, not twice, but three times!
You’ve got to keep coming back ladies and gentlemen.
Forget the limitations set by your fellow man,
Because when you pursue your passion,
Provision will be provided for your plan!

Let others lead small lives, but not you.
Let others be satisfied with the crumbs, but not you.
Let others sit around and be chronic complainers, but not you.
Let others be volunteers victims, but not you!
Let others be imprisoned by their fears, but not you.
Let others use their race, their gender,
Their sexual orientation as a crutch, but not you.

Let others be concerned about what the neighbors
Might think, say or do. but this is not for you!
Leave that for the politicians, the governors,
Start caring about other people’s opinion
And you’ll become their prisoner.
This is about a lifestyle that uniquely fits.
Life is God’s gift to you,
Style is what you make out of it.
Whatever you’re passionate about, the perfection of that craft can be learned
So with the obstacles of this world be not concerned
Because if you set yourself on fire
The world will come watch you burn.
So now that you know that impossible is a word
Found in the dictionary of fools.
What are you going to do?
What are you going to do with the rest of your life?
What two things do you want said about you when you die?

I never listened to what the pessimists are telling me
Because I know that the richest place on the planet is the cemetery.
There you will find books that were never written,
Loved ones that were never forgiven,
Ideas that were smitten
And dreams that were forbidden.
Soil that was never tilled, cathedrals that were never built!
Restaurants that were never opened
Chefs that never knew they were smoking.
Paintings that were never drawn nor hung,
Songs that were neither composed nor sung
Souls that never acted on what they really wanted to do
So don’t you dare die with your greatness buried within you!

The sperm that fertilized your egg
Survived the odds of 400 million to one.
Get it? Your sperm won!
As long as you live, you will never face such dramatic odds,
Now tell me that ain’t proof you’re favored by God.

You’re greater than any obstacle that can make you hysterical
So don’t you dare leave without your miracle.
It’s all an illusion, don’t you invest in their lies
Their forecast of economic woes and financial demise.
The Universe has an infinite supply, so no need to lie when I testify
That regardless of the economy, you cannot be denied!
It matters not if they raise the terrorist threat level
To hot pink, burgundy or fuchsia
You were born to control your future!
Don’t let ‘em fool you.
You were born to win, destined to be great
Magnificence was chiseled into your heart,
When God made you he was just showing off!
Discover your divine assignment and you’ll have no reason to retreat
Discover your passion and you’ll laugh in the face of defeat.
Indifferent to the pressures felt and you do not buckle like a belt.
Declare today that you refuse to lose
Because you can either live your dreams,
Or you can live your excuse!

So even when I’m old and grey,
I’ll still be commanding the stage,
Words still be smoking off the page.
So understand…this ain’t no phase!
Because everyday I learn a new lesson,
My best poem has yet to be written
And I’m not leaving until what I came to give has been given.
99 on the mic and I’ll still be spittin’ Still be rippin’
Still be giving, Still be driven So let my tombstone read:
Here lies Kirk and he died…LIVING

Burying Past Relationships

So you're sitting with a potential girlfriend, she's great, you guys have had a few random dates enough for her to kinda get the picture that you dig her and would like a tad more than a 'Will and Grace' type of situation.
You've pulled all the necessary stunts, you've taken her to the movies and grabbed a hand, even though you weren't man enough to go for the kiss (Chicken!!!). You call her on random occasions and tell her you just thought about her and you've taken those long strolls where you gently push her with your hip, she pushes you back, and you push her and then you both push each other until one of you realizes it has to stop, cause somone might fool around and spring an ankle, even worse fall over the ledge. Then your chances will really be screwed.

Anyway during one of these semi-romantic days someone's mouth got so big, they decided to talk about past relationships. Oh yes, the dreaded must-have ex's conversation. Of course most guys hate this conversation, at least I do, I mean why can't they just stay in the past. I do however find myself in these horrendous situations where she has talked about her ex and in an unprecedented, emotionally blackmailing kind of way I am expected to dig up scenes from my past relationship/s. We all remember the big rule right, "When a woman does something for you, you're expected to return an equal to the deed she has done" the opposite does not apply though, she is not expected to do for you what you did for her. Don't look confused, I don't set the rules, I just follow them.
Anyway, so when she has spoken about her ex, you definitely have to speak about yours. If you don't you'll seem like a bitter old hag that hasn't gotten over his ex, and that's just unmanly.
So you begin...and just like we're supposed to do, you keep it sweet enough to share that it was special, but short enough to relay that it ended, but just when you thought ya’ll can move onto the next item on the agenda, she goes back to talking about her ex. DAMN!!!!
As she carries on, you read between the oh so thin lines you and realize that this person might just not be over her ex... at least not as you would like them to be. This is not something she will tell you, but it's usually written all over her glowing eyes and the big fat ugly smile on her face when she talks about the schmuck.

To add salt to the already exposed wound is her mentioning a character trait that we all know you lack. Like ‘he was more patient, he used to cook for me, he loved children’ or the most common, "He used to buy me lots of expensive gifts".
After that scene from an all too familiar movie, we all know what just happened..."You just got compared" *sigh* *sigh* Heavy Sigh*
If this has ever happened to you, whether guy or girl, I would like to spare a moment of silence.

*silence*

Well quite honestly, this happens, very unfortunate, but it does.
It happens when someone:
1) Has not found closure from their past relationship.
2) Notices undesirable character traits in their 'potential' that they would like to change
3) Is just an ungrateful spoilt little brat that wants to have Mr./Miss Perfect when they, themselves are anything but.

The truth is when someone has not buried their past relationship, it rests as a stinking rotting corpse laying in a closet somewhere in their lives. The smell comes out in romantic settings when innocent brothers are trying to make headway, nxa.
The truth is people just need to get over their ex's, seriously. It ended for a reason. And guess what? Relationships do end, not (always) because you (or the other party) are bad people, but because sometimes that's what happens.

The process of closure is a very painful but necessary one, equatable to the 'process' of healing after an important operation. Cry, mourn, eat ice-cream, pray, listen to Tracy Chapman, and mourn some more. Just make sure that you do whatever it takes to rid yourself of the remnants of the previous person.
I've always said, that romantic relationships are a pretty strange concept. I mean one minute a person becomes part of your life, your mind, your heart, your laughter, a 'prism' through which you view this journey of life. And then suddenly you have to let them go. That takes some getting used to and many of us are tempted to keep a piece of that person with us. Some pieces bigger than others'. Some of us even bring them back for a few occasions, borrowing them from other people, other times using them to fill a void that our current partner does not fill.
I'm not going to be gentle about this. It's sick, horrible, unfair, evil, dirty, and a by-product of naivety. And if I see you doing this I'm gonna slap you.
On the serious side though, there's nothing with reminiscing, the problem comes when you dwell.
Your life's fulfilment is not dependant on one person, no matter how big a role they played you can still live happily without them.

Remember that when God takes one thing from you, He is trying to make space for the better one. So please don't stall the divine process of making you a better person, by holding on to the former things. It's tough I know, but it's better to suffer in the short-term and benefit in the long-term, than benefit in the short-term but suffer in the long-term.

Happy Loving My Peeps.

-SGM

The Least Common of Senses

I have come to realize that common sense is not the most common of senses. I mean we see it in all spheres of life.

Corrupt officials, from the top dogs we ironically call 'Ministers' and 'Commissioners' down to the lower ranking officials accepting dirty money and allowing illegal activities to permeate and find comfort on their watch.
From the pregnant little girl down the road, who is days away from her sweet sixteen allowing a drunk old, pantsula looking taxi driver to impregnate her even though she knows that he is more likely to leave her for one of the 3 girls that occupy the front office of the taxi when she's not around.

What about that nigga who knows very well that his mother's trying her best to get him through school and still chooses to experiment with drugs and crime, even though he has seen the Special Assignment documentaries and the News. Even in the movies most of the bad guys either get shot or die. Except for Oceans Eleven but they're gonna get caught one day, either by Will Smith and Martin Lawrence from Bad Boys, or Bruce Willis and Danny Glover from Lethal Weapon...just watch and see, don't say I didn't warn you.

But why oh why, do we human beings fall into the same traps that are conspicuous in their placements? We, Human beings are so dumb that even if a trap was placed in front of us, with a sign that read, "TRAP" and another one that says, "DANGER, GEVAAR, INGOZI" we would still go into it.
And when we get caught we either call it, a mistake or my personal favourite, "A POLITICAL CONSPIRACY". I swear these days when people are asked in court, "How do you plead?" They reply, "Political Conspiracy!"

It's funny how these 'mistakes' or 'political conspiracies' often contain passionate or material benefit that we seem to enjoy, even if the joy is fleeting.
I don't know about you, but I think it ceases to be a mistake when I actually help you take my clothes off and hide the picture of my mate.
And it ceases to be a political conspiracy when I took the money, bought a flashy 7-series, that I still have in my possession.

It's funny how creative we have become in trying to cover up our blatant wrong doing.

This is the reason I was praying last night, for myself and for a few of my friends. That God give us 3 basic qualities:

1) The ability to clearly distinguish between right and wrong;
2) The boldness to choose the right, and
3) The patience and persistence to bear the results of choosing that which is right.

That even when the passion cries out from the pit of our pants, or the emotions are raging like a fierce summer storm, even when the right decision threatens our economic or physical security, we will be able to stand for that which is right.

I think it is in this profound yet simple wisdom that God will be able to trust us with much more than we have now.

-SGM

Doctor's Emotional Order

I went to my doctor yesterday, for my yearly check up. It was supposed to be very simple I go in, he runs a couple of tests and tells me I'm in good shape. Thereafter he was supposed to quote some verses from the doctors bible. Nobody knows what's in the doctors bible because, well...it's horribly written, the only people who can read the doctors bible are doctors, witchdoctors, pharmacists and witchpharmacists. Anyway some of the main commandments in there are (and I quote my doctor):

"-Thou shall stop running away from veggies.
-Thou shall love exercise as thyself.
-Thou shall not consume an abundance of hot-wings on the Sabbath.
Thou shall lay off the red liquid from the holy communion"

To which I contend, 'But I have to have more of the blood of Jesus doctor?'

He did, however, say something out-of-character for a bachelor-doctor that drives an M3, and owns a lofty pad. 'You should share your emotions more man',
I was shocked, is this a Pharisee-doctor?

'What are emotions doctor?' I enquired.

And then he went on some long scientific and psychological explanation, enough to help me understand that they are very immusculating things men carry, usually locked up in some prison. Apparently it's part of the reason why some men get heart attacks, and strokes because they keep these 'emotion' thingies locked up.
The more he explained this the more I realized that the only way we men have emotions is because they're pretty contagious. We contracted them from spending to much time with ladies, running after them and consuming large amounts of their.....*clears throat*

That's why we keep these 'emotion' thingies locked up, because we don't know how to handle them. Women are used to handling them, they cry, vent, buy teddy bears, watch Oprah, hire psychologists, talk and talk and cry some more.

So in case you are wondering why I wrote this piece, I just want you to know that it is an order from the doctor, and I follow doctors orders.

I just watched on television how married women, cheat on their husbands...and vice versa. It angered me particularly because I've been thinking alot about this whole love-process that we apparently all have to go through. I have seen over my life some of my good friends blatantly hurting people that they loved, and I have seen my innocent friends being hurt by people that they loved and cherished.
You see I can cope with mistakes, I would be a fool not to think that in this emotion-induced drunkenss people are not bound to hurt each other here and there. But the problem with some of these situations is that some people just do it on purpose, they intentionally cheat on you, and then want to rub on you tomorrow morning as if they didn't just go and exchange passionate gestures with somebody else. Sies Maan. Sies.

Okay this is getting hectic, let me gather myself, we'll finish this tomorrow.

Guys and Journals?

So this week I read a Destiny Man article by leadership expert and (author of The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari) Robin Sharma and in it he suggested that we should keep Journals.
Journals??
-Yes Journals?
For men?
-Yes for men!!!
Aren't Journals for...STOP RIGHT THERE!!!

I use to keep a journal, in it I documented some of the major events in my life. I started writing it in 2005 (when I was in Grade11) and stopped around 2007 during my 1st year at varsity.
Those years were a bit rough for me, I was under pressure to perform well in school, felt a bit like the Israelites in the wilderness, didn't know what career path to choose, struggled with some of my most important subjects, I had just kicked off my motivational speaking and of course there was a little romance happening in my life.
So the journal was a place where I could engage myself on a one-on-one basis, I could spell out my goals for my life 5-10 years on and follow up on them on a day-to-day basis.

When my results came out I would have an accountability session with myself detailing why I didn't make it and instill implementation strategies for the new term ahead. At times I was hard on myself, sometimes shouting (and even swearing) at myself for not performing according to my full potential.
It was a also a sanctuary for my emotions, a place where I could come out and express some of the deepest concerns of my family, friends and the little romance that I had in my life. I never had anybody to get emotional with, and not the 'emotional' where men frown and express anger just to hide their genuine emotion, but the 'emotional' where you are honest with the bruises that may have been leveled on the strong-you, by even the weakest of people.

You see the secret is out, men do get emotional, those who pretend not to, spend their lives building hard exteriors that not only self-destruct in the future but cause those around them perpetual harm and despondency, leaving bitter tastes in the mouths of their wives and children (reference: Oprah Show).

Further than it being an emotional one, it can be space that you spend in engaging yourself, writing down your yearly business visions and goals, tracking them week to week. Write down your spiritual desires and weaknesses suggest ways in which to overcome them. The accountability part of it is also quite crucial, you can question yourself on:
-why you have put on so much weight with no consideration?
- Why you still put-off pursuing that part-time course at the business school answer the tough questions like why you have been using business profits on females that do you no good.

You can even ask more long term questions like, should you take that Job Offer in Cape Town, or stay in Witbank, look at the cost implications, the growth and exposure implications.

One can even engage themselves on the options between a potential romance brewing up, is this the person for you? Do they contain the qualities you look for or Is it just a lustful desire? If it is a lustful desire is it worth pursuing, and if so what are costs and the benefits?

The truth of the matter is that most of us roam around the earth with unanswered questions in our lives, confusions of sorts. When we are unsure we tend to ask other people of their opinions of the situations in our lives, when in fact the answers are right in the inside of us. The trick is we don't spend enough time with ourselves to 'unearth'the answers.

Men, Real Men are those that can spend time engaging and deliberating with themselves, those that are brutally honest with their weaknesses and also build on their strengths. Men who cannot be honest with themselves are less likely to be honest with other people (REAL TALK).
I could conclude by telling you that Nelson Mandela, Winston Churchill, Steve Biko had journals...and because these great men had journals you should have one too, but that would be me trying to be a salesperson. I am being honest with you now, man to man...the benefit of getting a journal far out weighs the costs.
The cost is that you may seem a bit feminine to both yourself and those around you, this is especially true in SA's deep rooted african patriarchal culture.
The benefit is that you get in touch with you, the real you...and are able to afford finer nights of rest.
Gosh, this is hectic, let me go put it in my journal #running.

2 tips To Make Keeping A Journal Easier
Tip #1:
One of the wonderful things about this technologically advanced world of ours is that we have all these wonderful devices that can make 'Journaling' a lot easier. Carrying a small book will probably have people suspecting you for a journalist or a private investigator, but you can use cool things like a note-pad in your phone. These cool functions give you the ability to document in even the most awkward of places, when time avails itself. You can journal on your blackberry while you wait in a line in the bank, you can find a quiet place while they wash the car or even when you are waiting for your girlfriend to 'FINISH UP' *Frown*.
Just make sure you look over your shoulder for those funny people in line that make it a habit of not minding their own business.

Tip#2:
You don't have to Journal everyday, you can do it every second day, or every third day depending on your comfortability. But make sure that you don't use your journal for emotional frustrations only, but let it be a wholistic experience with self.

Try it, if it doesn't work I will allow all men to make me stand trial for 'Crimes Against Manhood'. If it works, tell a friend.

Conference- Report

So the Emalahleni Development Conference has passed and it has been a very emotional experience, partly because it was one of the greatest ideas I have ever concievd, and partly because I have never experienced so much disappointment from so many people in such a short space of time.
The idea was born sometime during my exam time, I got all excited bout it, but chose to draft a brief skeleton and shelve it lest I get distracted and forget about Finance 3 which has given me a whooping before.
After my exams I engaged a couple of individuals who I believd would make a substantial contribution to the event, some of them live in Johannesburg and others in Emalahleni, all of them very close to me, trusted confidants.
These people were game, all three of them thought the idea was a noble one and expressd their intrest in it.
The two difficult tasks in organizing the conference was the speakers and sponsorships, the speakers part was not all that difficult, the relationships I had with all the speakers or with people who knew the speakers were the catalyst in the process, and a special thanks to Carol Mkhize and Monde Ndlovu for setting us up with our guest speakers, speakers we would not have otherwise had.
Sponsorship was the biggest headache of them all. My initial hope for the finance side of things was that we could secure sponsorship from the black business community who I had hoped would back this event wholeheartedly. I avoided big corporates because of the hassle of red tape.
My approach to the businessmen would be 'let us develop the youth', and most of them liked the sound of the tune, I had secured a potential sponsor within two weeks and a cousin of mine who had expressed an intrest in sponsoring and a couple of other directions. I saw no reason for signing letters of intent because of the very close relationships I had with these people...a decision I would later deeply regret.
When it came to delivering on the promises both people backed out. Another had a genuine investment problem, and my one cousin stoppd answering my calls completely.
I tried other business people, and their declined responses ranged in their negativity. One man came out right and told me 'NO' another gave me a two week run around and finally said 'NO' and another kept on postponing, and postponing and postponing.
There was another deep blow to the event: MARKETING. This aspect I will not discuss at length, I will however let you know that concrete plans that were set up. Our only hindrance was the finances and a thousand postponements from our appointed marketing manager. I will however take full responsibility for that failure; my indecision to react swiftly when the clock was ticking was a lack of decisive leadership on my part.
With no sponsorship and no marketing to help in running this event I had a decision to make. Either cancel or postpone the event.

I personally think it would've bin criminal to postpone the event, solely because there is no perfect time or condition to begin a revolution, for an event of this magnitude and aim is similar in magnitude and thought as any revolution, whether it be a revolution of arms like the armed struggle, or a revolution of the mind like black consciousness...it is a revolution nonethless. I decided that it would be more of an evil to run the event and fail, than not run the event at all. From that point onwards ther were no two ways about it, we were going to hustle this event into being, and hustle we did.
My mother and family member’s decided to chip in, Mr. Jerry Makhudu also helped me out financially with a bit of marketing and in the band. I think he did so with realization of my desperation (a true blessing indeed), the Local Municipality gave us the hall free of charge, Peace Sibanyoni gave us free coverage of the event, Pearl and Twister from Prolific designs did a wonderful job on the designing and printing on the posters...we got going. Thabiso Mabogoane also helped us out with some of the large expenses.
On the day of the event as I hustled I was torn apart by the numbers...I couldn't believe that the amount of work put in would be from an average of 50ppl on all three sessions...but at that moment I had a choice to make... to be de-motivated by the many who had decided to stay at home, or conjure up the little strength for the few who had the determination and resilience to stay and be part of such an initiative.
I enjoyed myself though, I wouldn’t have spent my time doing anything else.
I have heard Dr. Naves speak before, obviously because of the tremendous amount of time I have spent with her, but Mr. Lot Ndlovu blew me away, the intellect the honesty and the effort put in his speech shows that he counted us among the cream of the countries youth, it was captivating indeed. What was even more fulfilling was that they are Witbank’s very own proud products.
Carol and Kabelo carried the baton wonderfully and didn’t disappoint, they upheld the standard as I knew they would. What I liked about their message was that it wasn’t theatrical but simply honest and testimonial, what more could one ask for.
If you ask me if the event was a failure or success I wouldn’t answer you, I don't know. I am the worst judge of such things. I think the best judge of this event will be the future...yep the future... the future events, future conferences...and the future generations. Another good judge would be those who were there. I am just looking forward to the next one.
As I said this generation of the youth of Emalahleni will influence the continent...I have no doubt about that.

Emalahleni is the POWA!!!

So over the past month I have had the privelage of working on the Emalahleni Development Conference, as difficult and incomplete as the task is, I must say I feel very enthusiastic about it. Not because it promises to be one of the most extravagent events the city has seen but because it signals the beginning of great things to come within the city of Emalahleni.
I feel very honord to be born in this generatn, as I said on one of my blogs, that I would pass the opportunity to be born during Gen 1:1 to be born in this generatn, I would even pass the opportunty of experiencing June 1976 and even the civl rights movment, all so that I can be right here and right now. This is the 'make it happen' generation, a generation whose agitation of the current state of affairs makes them wish for a better tomorrow, and further more vigilantly pursue it.

The sole purpose of this conference is to launch a series of events that will inspire and provide leadership developments in the city. Moreover it is created to initiate an environment of constructiv engagement with in the youth of the city. By constructive engagment I mean engagement which is key to influencing the future of the city. This means socio-economical issues with in the city, and other politicial and religious engagemtns.
To mentions but a few of the 'topics' that we will dicuss further on in the confrence,
- the role of young professionals over and above their professional careers
-developing the economics of the regions through the development of small business
-the role in which the spiritual community can play an active and practical role in the development of the youth
- Nationalisation, and its practicality and relevance in our generation
-the role that mentorship can play in the development of the youth
These are just a few of the topics that the conference will cover over the years of its existence.
The confrence will solely be built around the development of the region, and will ensure that many of the issues that deal with the youth (directly) are discussed and are efficiently and effectivly dealt with.
As I have vehemently stated this is not a gethering of a sinlg type of grouping, but seeks to engage all the sectors of society.

When we commence the confrence on Friday, we will have a motivational talk by myself on Friday 17:30 @ lynville hall,
On Saturday we will follow with a dynamic and youth specific leadership talk by Lot Ndlovu and Dr. Pat Naves. The speakers lived in Witbank for a great amount of time, especially in the foramtive years of their success. They have both gone on 2 achieve tremendous amounts of success, Lot Ndlovu as once presidnet of the BMF and once Executive Director of Nedbank Group Ltd. Dr. Pat Naves in her careers as a successful academic, human resoeuces though leader and as former director of human resources @ the SABC.

On Saturday we finish off with a wonderful spiritual session by Kabelo ‘Buga Luv’ Mabalane and my personal friend and leader Carol Mkhize. We all know Kabelo and his story, and I will save Carols introduction for when I do introduce her, but both these individuals are going to deal with an aspect which I personally believe is integral to the development of 'effective' leadership.

The confrence was meant to have two legs which were unfortunately canceled due to the lack of support of the event by the black business. We will however begin with a tremendous experience to be followed (hopefully) during youth month.

I hope that we will come in numbers and I hope it attracts more crowds than shisa nyama on a Friday night. As ambitious as that sounds it represents a genuine desire, that if we are to enjoy debauchery we would at least also indulge in constructive sessions for the benefit of the mind and soul. I also hope that the event would spread faster than gossip and that it occupies people’s minds and conversations for months after its staging.
Sounds Ambitious doesn’t it? Not at all, it’s actually very practical and necessary, talking about our future and our children’s future is very practical and necessary.
Emalahleni Development Confrence.... Developing the Next Generation of leaders.
Emalahleni is the POWA!!!!